Revolutionary gastro camp-kitchen design

Whilst Snaidero is credited for inventing the kitchen island and Pedini for the organic curves of his aluminium integrated kitchen utopia — have Italian primas left a stone unturned for kitchen concepts?

Such is our design–brief conundrum from Octane — they want us to build their kitchen using a radical, cutting–edge and meaningful design.

No problem. Afterall, my ‘Head of Inspiration’ Total Bespoke Kitchen Design Solutions (‘Putting you first. Tomorrow’s kitchens today’) business card suitably nods to my experience in such matters.

Let’s blue sky this offline, cascade key learnings and have a thought shower going forward. It’s time to benchmark competitor brands or, as us clever men in kitchen marketing like to say, we’ll survey the brandscape.

Brandscape learnings 1. Pedini curves

Pedini‘s organic curved kitchen design was a seminal step in the evolutionary process of kitchen design – after all, he changed work surfaces from rectangles to kidney bean shapes. As I said, seminal.

And, if one is prone to doing handstands whilst cooking, or perhaps, if one is simply incredibly clumsy, Pedini’s revolutionary and organic aversion to the right angle is irrefutably an Octane kitchen design theme contender. Health and safety will love it. No corners — wow.

We’ll offer that to Octane as one of three design concepts. Curved. Seminal. Sexy.

Brandscape learnings 2. Snaidero islands

Snaidero on the other hand was the first to integrate appliances within the kitchen and is commonly credited as inventor of the ‘central block’ which we now know as the ‘kitchen island’.

Excellent, such wizardry rocket science is sure to impress Octane — Snaidero kitchens are all the thing. His work has been featured at NY’s MOMA and I can see why — genius, who’d ever have thought. An island — revolutionary.

Octane’s located on an island so we’ll offer Snaidero as the second of three brand design concepts. They’ll love the island inter–play parody reference — clever.

Brandscape learnings 3. Schiffini modularity

Schiffini is globally renowned for inventing the modular kitchen. His experience in fitting Italian naval ships gave him licence to popularise the catering look – minimal, efficient, industrial. Oh, and no handles — apparently they catch uniforms on pitching boats.

Such minimism grants Shiffini licence to charge more for less. Specifically about £85,000 more for substantially little, making the Shiffini brand a strong third design solution contender. Small in substance, big in fees. My kinda concept — profitable.

In the bag

Firstly Pedini’s sexy curves, then Snaidero’s clever parody and now Shiffini’s profitable minimalism.

Surely, with such groundbreaking engineering hurdles overcome and seminal benchmark design revolutions included to my Powerpoint, we’re sure to have considered all avenues. This one’s in the bag. File. Save.

Presentation 1

[Some colourfully animated pie–charts later]

“Thank you for touching base. You’ve seen we’ve reached out to some of the world’s most wide–ranging and cutting–edge kitchen experience change agents — afterll, joined up thinking makes for integrated solutions.”

“These designers cut to the crux of cutting edge, they think outside the envelope. And push the box too. We’ve shared off–the–wall futureproof designs from the blue sky to run up the flagpole because, if you let the grass grow too long on this one, you’ll miss the boat. Or perhaps its the low hanging fruit. Anyway, our total kitchen solution, guests will ask — is there anything left for a modern kitchen designer to consider?”

“Food” replies Octane.

Taxi!

Pedants.

We’ve been asked to return with a kitchen concept focusing on food as inspiration.

Food?!

What do they mean ‘base the kitchen design on food?

Literalists!

Perhaps they weren’t listening when I presented the clever bit about omitting handles to save uniforms.

Food?!

Surely food just makes uniforms dirty? Can’t we do away with it like Schiffini’s handles? Food ruins a kitchen’s lines and anyway, every kitchen has a supermarket to drop the damned stuff to the door — you know: ‘We pick, you click’ fish ‘You shop, we drop’ meat and ‘Freshly clicked’ fruit and veg.

All the while the smart fridge we proposed informs consumers when they’ve run out of the darned stuff and automatically reorders it in a kind of instant and digitally automated ‘I’m luvin’ it’ food McCopia.

Re–brief

Okay all, Octane have re briefed us.

They say they source organic foods from the wild to be prepared, cooked and eaten on the beach from which they are sourced.

As such Octane requires a kitchen that’s transportable, lightweight, modular, robust, waterproof and packs down small.

Oh, and P.S. they say they are based on an off-grid island, have plenty of organic curves all around them and won’t be requiring Pedini’s.

Aha. A little condescending — anyway, I too get my meat direct from the source: Tesco. And, its ‘field to shelf’ journey best suits my marble topped mod con Italian kitchenette curves because it’s plastic-trayed, cellophane-wrapped, bar-coded, best-befored, de-boned, de-skinned, de-fatted and cut to manageable nuggets. Straight in the microwave without leaving marks on my marble.

Welfare?!

I’m told it sees plenty of daylight between antibiotic and hormone injections.

Provenance?!

This Tesco‘s label says their pork is from ‘Woodside Farm’ although the supermarket is currently facing legal action for inventing the name, location and existence of the ‘farm’ to make their imported produce sound more English.*

Trust?! 

Yes, there was the horse meat thing but the slogan says ‘Taste the difference’ so it must be good. Or is that Sainsbury‘s?

One blue sky later

Right, we’ve squared the circle. Climbed the strategic staircase. Let’s put the record on and see who dances.

Presentation 2

“Good afternoon all. We tried a square peg in a round hole at the last meet and I appreciate we pushed the envelope outside the pigeonhole.

However, we’ve squared the circle and, singing from the same hymn sheet, we have had a blue sky moment so we’re going to reach out and share —

A food provenance based kitchen travels to the food source so foods can be caught and eaten same day

So let’s take the lowest hanging fruit first…”

“1. It should have sexy shiny curves…”

“Oh, sorry. That’s a slide about Pedini’s new Bella range. It’s very beautif…”

“Yes, sorry. Back to kitchen design with food at its core. Where was I? Low hanging fruit… Yes, the Octane wild camp kitchen should…

1. …travel…
2. …bake, grill, fry, boil, stew and roast…
3. …deploy easily…
4. …be versatile m, lightweight and robust…”

Back to that pie-chart

“The good news is it’s coming in a little less than Padini. About £85,000 less…”

Going forward

“One miniaturised and ruggedised solar powered fridge, one folding 20W solar power array, miscellaneous pots and pans, one griddle, one Dutch oven, a Moka coffee pot, a kelly kettle, a sharp filleting knife, liquid containers, food containers, dry bags and a wooden spoon. Oh, and matches.”

“Now we’ve shared our total kitchen solution, you may ask — is there anything left for a modern kitchen designer to consider?”

“Matches?” replies Octane.

Go rub your firestick.

 

 

 

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