Lemon chicken pesticide wrapped in smokey steroid bacon back served on a bed of freshly bleach-washed loose-leaved lambs lettuce

It may sound like a gastro horror show but this is factually the food sold in our less than super markets and served daily in the most celebrity of chefs’ zeitgeist brasseries.

However, if the specials menu hasn’t yet put you off yet, here’s the recipe again, with the unabridged waiter’s drum–roll flounce:

Waiter’s special

Locally sourced lemon chicken pesticide wrapped in smoked steroid bacon back and processed white rice served on a bed of freshly bleach-washed loose-leaved lambs lettuce with E coli

And here are the facts: 46% of British chicken contains pesticide residue*, 29% of British bacon contains pesticide residue*, 100% of lemons imported to Britain contain multiple pesticide residue**, 13% of pre-washed loose-leaved salad contains E coli***

Ocean fresh

Catching ocean fresh**** food for the pot is a peculiar carry-on for some.

However, I might suggest meat contained in a plastic tray, cellophane wrapped, bar-coded, best-befored, de-boned, de-skinned, de-fatted and cut to manageable nuggets is pretty peculiar.

Especially so when much of the above wrapping carry on is packaging a horse disguised as a sausage which is to disguise its an animal.

Not to mention the modern fetish of farmers to use growth steroids, growth hormones and antibiotics.

When standing in the supermarket isle, piously scanning ingredients lists, don’t forget it’s not a list of ingredients – that would be just too simple. It is more of a top-line only guide and sales brochure — all detail is subject to change and only some items ever makes the ingredients list.

Less than super

Supermarkets are legally obligated to list and declare items added to a food product but not a list of items within.

Blind eye

When selling porridge oats for example it sounds more wholesome to say oats rather than oats and pesticide — technically the retailer did not add the pesticide of course, the farmer did.

A bit like, when selling a car, keeping quiet about a chassis bending crash it was involved in because you weren’t at the wheel at the time.


Pesticide Action Network UK
** Government Committee on Pesticide Residues in Food
*** Felicity Lawrence, The Guardian. 2008. “I pointed out that between 1992 and 2000, the period during which the new phenomenon of bagged salads took off, nearly 6% of food-poisoning outbreaks were associated with prepared vegetables and salads. A study in 1996 of retail samples of bagged salad found 13% contained E coli.”


****The term fresh fish is of course relative. On the high-street, at supermarkets and in city restaurants fresh fish really means days old so, when patiently waiting for your number to be called at the fish-counter, be ready to ask where your fish is from and how many days ago it was likely caught. Supermarkets invent terms to suit their needs and, as a discerning consumer, it really is your right to challenge nonsense. At Octane we have therefore made a new, differentiated and entirely transparent definition – Ocean fresh. Simply put, it means caught and eaten same-day.

See ocean fresh in practice with the post ‘Drive through calimari’ – ocean fresh calimari caught, cooked and served in under an hour

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